Warriors Wellbeing: What is Loss and Grief?

The Regional Men’s Health Initiative

Grief is a universal, instinctual and an adaptive reaction to loss, in particular the grief from the loss of a loved one. Feelings of loss are very personal and only you know what is significant. Less obvious losses can also cause strong feelings of grief such as loss of possessions, job, relationship, health, or physical ability.

Loss is an inevitable part of life and grief is a natural part of the healing process that varies for different people. The grieving process allows those left behind after a death to accept the person is no longer around.

When experiencing and reacting to grief, it is common to:

• feel like you are “going crazy”
• have difficulty concentrating
• feel sad or depressed, anxious, nervous or fearful
• be irritable or angry ( at the deceased, oneself, others)
• feel frustrated or misunderstood
• feel like you want to escape
• experience guilt or remorse
• be ambivalent, lack energy and motivation
• feel numb.

Each one of us has an individual style of coping with painful experiences (there is no right or wrong way). Some people don’t show their grief in public but only express it in private. We don’t always know how people are coping simply by what we see.

The following tips may help generate ideas about how to manage feelings of grief:

• talk to family, friends or a mate
• engage in social activities
• exercise, eat healthy foods
• take time to relax, listen to music
• seek counselling or join a support group
• be patient and let yourself feel grief.

The length of the grief process is different for everyone. It takes time to heal and this may not be just days it can be weeks, months and even years.

Grief comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you’re drowning, surrounded by wreckage reminding you of the ship that was and is no more, and all you can do is float. As you float you hang onto a piece of wreckage for a while in the form of a physical thing (a memory or photograph), it may even be another person floating with you, and for a while that’s all you can do is float. In the beginning you had 100 metre waves crashing over you 10 seconds apart barely allowing you to breath. After a while (maybe weeks or months) the 100 metre waves still come crashing over you but they are now further apart allowing you to breathe and function without as much difficulty. There will be triggers of grief that will arise (a song, a place, a photo) and a wave will come crashing but in between there is life. Somewhere down the line (it is different for everybody) you will find the waves are only 80 or 50 metres, they still come but are further apart. You will be able to see them coming (special anniversary days) but now you can prepare yourself for the waves, knowing you will come out the other side, soaking wet, spluttering and still hanging onto a piece of wreckage but you will come out. Intermittent waves never stop coming and you don’t really want them to but you will survive them.

If you feel you are not coping seek professional help from your GP or a counsellor.

  

Tim and the Team

The Regional Men’s Health Initiative, delivered by Wheatbelt Men’s Health (Inc.)

PO Box 768, Northam WA 6401

Tel: (08) 9690 2277

Email: menshealth@4blokes.com.au

Web: www.4blokes.com.au